Master Mentors Volume 2 by Scott Jeffrey Miller

Author:Scott Jeffrey Miller
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Harpercollins Leadership
Published: 2022-07-29T00:00:00+00:00

MADELINE LEVINE

SELF-REGULATION

MASTER MENTOR #45 is Dr. Madeline Levine, a renowned educator, child psychologist, and author of numerous bestselling books including The Price of Privilege, Teach Your Children Well, and her most recent release, Ready or Not: Preparing Our Kids to Thrive in an Uncertain and Rapidly Changing World.

For parents, guardians, and caregivers of young children, I highly recommend Ready or Not. Coupled with Julie Morgenstern’s Time to Parent (Master Mentor #53), you’re pretty set, in my opinion. Madeline’s insight on parenting and the many pressures our children are facing today (issues I can’t possibly relate to given I was raised in the seventies and eighties) is a superb guide to bring some calm and sanity to any home. Not a cure-all, but I’ve revisited it several times since our interview as the sons are nearly downing me . . . daily.

While Madeline offers sage advice about raising self-sufficient and confident children, that’s not what I’m going to feature in this chapter. At least not specifically. Self-regulation is our topic and Transformational Insight, and of course it’s relevant to our children, but as much or even more so to us as adults.

As I reflect on a thirty-year professional career, of all the learnable skills I correlate the highest with those of influence, the top is self-regulation. I define it as the ability to measure your response to any situation, and to summon, often in the moment (at what for me would be an unnatural level), patience, calm, and verbal restraint.

Candidly, it’s no fun.

What’s satisfying, at least in the moment, is when someone says something I deem stupid to me, about me, or about someone or something I care about, and I respond with the verbal equivalent of a fire extinguisher. Hopefully, you’ve never needed to use one, but if you’ve ever tested one you know it’s strangely satisfying and messy.

The problem for me comes when my verbal sieges come back to haunt me. The recompense, apologies, and contrition I then need to show the receiving party is always more humiliating than the immediate gratification I might feel in the moment. It’s a close tie, I admit, but I also like to stay employed.

No, I am not a sociopath (at least never officially diagnosed), so come down off your pedestal and join me among the ranks of the mildly self-aware. Thanks, Tasha.

Truth is, I’ve learned the lack of self-regulation is just not worth it.

Tempting, perhaps . . . but the gain just ain’t worth the pain.

Yes, I generally have lacked the skill of self-regulation in life. I’m fairly impulsive. I interrupt others. I sometimes over-disclose (as evidenced by pretty much every book I’ve ever written), and I don’t exhibit much restraint in my interactions with others. I’ve improved over the years, some might even say substantially improved. But it continues to be a vast area where plenty more opportunity is waiting.

Of course, self-regulation is more than resisting the urge to blurt out harsh one-liners.

I work with a colleague who recently lamented to me that they were constantly feeling out of touch with what was happening in the organization.

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